MOPS: Mompetition & Bullying

Last week at MOPS we had another great speaker!
Char Binkley came & talked about
'Mompetition'
(aka competition amongst moms)

She talked about 5 main points.
So I'll go over those first,
then I'll move on to the other random notes I took.

1. Comparison is a human, inborn trait - it's a God-given thing...

It's the way we can tell the difference between good & evil.

2. Comparison is necessary in life - it's a good thing...

It creates choices for us:

We compare prices when shopping to get the better deal.

We compare when we decide what kind of food to buy.

We compare when we decide which clothes to wear each day.

3. Comparison is embedded in our culture - it's a dangerous thing...

It can create:

jealousy

division

negativity

loneliness

feelings of inadequacy

distorted thinking

mental paralyzation

4. Comparison is your choice - that's a hopeful thing...

You're only a competitor in mompetition if you sign up for it.

Don't sign up for it.
Choose to be present with your children...
"Motherhood is not a spectator sport."

5. Comparison is a spiritual perspective - back to that God-given thing...

God is on your parenting team.

He doesn't compare any of us, so why should we?

Society can't tell you what you're doing right or wrong. God can.

The most important thing is to reflect God -- that is your job description in life.

Reflecting God requires being present with your children & husband.

"Just stop it."

Stop competing with other moms.
Remember that it is your choice.

Does the conversation always end up with you talking about your child
whether it be bragging or complaining?

Do you avoid talking about your family
because you are afraid of feeling inferior to the other mom?

Ask yourself... "What does it matter?"

Are you making it about you or are you making it about your child?

Make it about your children.

How do we avoid comparison when confronted in conversation?

1. Don't engage - deflect. (How great! You must be proud of them!)

2. Change the subject. (How great! Crazy weather we've been having, huh?)

3. Tell them that you would rather they try to avoid comparisons.

(Only if it's someone you're close to & you know they wouldn't be offended by you saying this.)

It's easy to feel like other people are intentionally parenting "AT US".
Is that really the case?
More than likely not, but even if they are...
What does it matter?
 Char read us this post titled 'Quit Pointing Your Avocado At Me' from Glennon at momastery.com...
It's well worth the read if you have the time!
I love the part where she says that we're all fighting the same fight on the same team.
There is so much truth in those words!

Be your child's best cheerleader.

Be careful not to give them an exaggerated idea of themselves.

Encourage them, but you don't have to say they're the best.

Don't brag about other people's kids or husbands.

Don't compare yourself to "experts".
It's so easy to do with Pinterest & social medial nowadays.

You never know what struggles the other person may be going through,
so when you catch yourself comparing, ask your Father in Heaven for help...

"Bless her. Fix me."

You can reflect God every moment of every day
to your families
& everyone you meet.

That's it for my MOPS notes, but please keep reading
since I have more to share on this subject...

Michelle from Connecticut Working Moms
so kindly let me share this picture with you on my blog:

It's part of a series of photos
on her 'End the Mommy Wars [Special Photo Edition]' post...
If you haven't seen those photos,
I HIGHLY encourage you to do so!
The pictures cover so many of the topics that moms tend to argue about,
& show how we can make different choices & still raise happy, healthy children.
Such a wonderful message (:

The way I see it, there are two main types of dangerous comparing...

Feeling like you are better than someone else (pride).

Feeling like you are worse than someone else (inadequacy).

I tend to do the latter more often than not...

The other night as I was reflecting about all of this,

I started thinking of a different angle that wasn't really mentioned at MOPS...

Comparing vs Bullying.

It may have been on my mind after reading this post about Bullying at Church
& watching the video at the end of the post...
It really hit home for me because I have been on the receiving end of exactly that.
Sometimes it was intentional.
Sometimes it was unintentional.
It was never physical,
but the comments hurt me just the same.
I like to think that I've gotten over the hurtful comments.
For the most part I have.
I've forgiven those that were mean to me,
but every now & then those comments sneak back into my mind.
I remind myself that I am a daughter of God
& that He loves me...
The only opinion that matters is my own,
& only I have the power to choose whether or not I let those words get to me.

Nobody likes being bullied.

I know I never enjoyed it.

So why do I bully myself?

That's essentially what's happening when I compare myself to others.

Really though.

Why do I allow myself to beat myself up

when someone else simply does things a different way than I do?

It's pretty ridiculous when you think about it.

That's when I have to remember to

"Stop it."

As Dieter F. Uchtdorf said in his April 2012 conference talk,
'The Merciful Obtain Mercy',

It's a wonderful talk
with a wonderful message.
Please read or listen to it.

Stop the competition.
Stop the bullying.
Stop beating yourself up.
You are a child of God.
You are loved.
You are enough.

Remembering these things reminds me that

I don't need to change for anyone.
I don't have to try to get 87,452 things done in one day.
Honestly, I don't want to be supermom.
I just want to be a super mom.
And I am.

Other MOPS posts you may want to check out:
Advice From Experienced Moms
Children & Discipline
Controlling Your Emotions

xoxo