Friday, December 6, 2013

MOPS: Controlling Your Emotions

Before I get into my MOPS notes...
If you haven't checked out my "A Memory Apart" book review/giveaway,
you should check it out then enter to win a copy of the eBook & a $25 Amazon giftcard!
If you've already read the book or romances aren't your thing
you can always give it as a gift to somebody (;

Alrighty, so yesterday at MOPS we got to watch a video.
In said video, Lysa TerKeurst talked about controlling our emotions.
She talked about how difficult it is to do this,
but also how we can learn to make it easier.

Here are my notes:
Conflict happens when we feel either exposed or opposed.
These situations can lead to chaotic feelings.
When conflict occurs, we have a choice right before we react.

Most reactions can be categorized under the following 4 reaction types:
1. Exploders that blame others
2. Exploders that shame themselves
3. Stuffers that build barriers
4. Stuffers that collect retaliation rocks

Our reaction types may vary depending on who we are reacting to.
Child, spouse, parent, friend, acquaintance, church leader, etc...
In other words, we have different reactions with different people.

If you are an exploder that blames others
- This type of exploder expresses their anger in the heat of the moment,
then finds someone else to blame for their emotional reaction.
- Remind yourself to pause before you react.
- Don't attack the person, address the issue instead.
- Ask yourself if you would let someone else see you reacting in this way.

If you are an exploder that shames yourself
- This type of exploder expresses their anger in the heat of the moment,
then later puts a guilt trip on themselves,
making themselves feel terrible for not handling it differently.
- Bring some perspective before reacting.
- Ask yourself, "If this is the worst thing that happens today will it be the worst day ever,
or will it be a pretty good day?"

If you are a stuffer that builds barriers
- This type of stuffer often doesn't know how to address conflict or perhaps doesn't want to.
- Instead of saying "I'm fine" then stuffing your emotions internally,
establish a boundary by continuing to communicate.
- Let go of bottling things up & pretending things are okay.
- Resolving the conflict the right way feels much better than keeping it all in.

If you are a stuffer that collects retaliation rocks
- This type of stuffer keeps things inside when upset to try & keep the peace,
but later lets out each of their frustrations when least expected.
- You may tend to hear something one way that was meant a different way
& stash away false impressions of what happened to use against someone.
- Before reacting, ask yourself if you are trying to prove that you are right
or are you trying to improve your relationship.

If you want to learn more about the different types of reactors
or just want to improve your communication,
I suggest reading Lysa TerKeurst's book, "Unglued".
Although I have not yet read it,
I heard so many wonderful things about it yesterday at MOPS.
Here's a cool author interview I found about the book...

After watching the video,
we had a little discussion about what we learned.
Sheri Carlstrom is one of the amazing mentor moms in our MOPS group.
That's right, she's one of the wonderful ladies that contributed to the best advice from experienced moms.
I want to share some words of wisdom that she said yesterday that stuck with me.
"It's better to react when you have emotional reserve, rather than when you have nothing."
There is so much truth in those words.

After Sheri talked with us for a little bit, we talked within our little discussion groups.
Another book was mentioned that I will definitely have to check out...
"Boundaries with Kids" by Dr Henry Cloud & Dr John Townsend.
I have a wonderful bunch of ladies in my 'purple group'.
They are always great at listening, giving advice, & just being there.
A huge thank you to everyone who listened to me vent yesterday.
You have no idea how much I appreciated it!
I was able to confront the issue happy & head on yesterday,
& things have been great ever since... (:
You are all so awesome!

In summary, what I learned:
Respond instead of react.
Handle the emotions that create the conflict rather than the conflict itself.

Keep in mind that all of my notes above are my own thoughts about what I heard
& they are not necessarily word for word.

I've already put these tips into practice & noticed a HUGE difference.
I challenge you to do the same!

Other great MOPS posts in case you missed them:

post signature

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

A Memory Apart - Kindle eBook giveaway

So as I mentioned a couple weeks ago
in my "Love.Loss.&Oh.My.Heck." chapter 1 review...
(speaking of which, Chapter 2 is now up on Maryn's blog for you to read)
I finished reading my cousin Daniel Elijah's first published book,
"A Memory Apart"
& I absolutely loved it!
(I promise I'm not just saying that because we're related!)

Here's a quick summary in my words:
"A Memory Apart" is a clean love story from the perspective of a teenage boy named Joshua.
The kind of love Joshua & Hayden had for each other was special
& it had been that way for as long as he could remember.
But with a very unexpected turn of events,
he finds himself torn, confused,
& in the middle of a love triangle
that he never would have anticipated.

I loved Daniel's use of descriptive words throughout the book.
It made it really easy to get a feel for each of the characters' distinct personalities.
At first I thought that Joshua was a little too obsessed with Hayden,
but thinking back to when I first fell in love with Hubby
I realized that he pretty much nailed how I felt.
I was obsessed.
Once I remembered what it's like to be a love-struck teenager
it was much easier for me to get into the book.
I enjoyed it more & more as I read on.
As the plot continued to unfold,
I got so into the story
that I had a hard time putting it down.
Don't believe me?
Ask Hubby.

I asked Daniel to write a special message to you readers,
& am more than pleased with his inspiring words...

Dear reader,

When I set out to write "A Memory Apart," I wanted to write an enduring love story that readers of all ages would find enjoyable, but more importantly, I wanted to craft a tale about living life in a way that creates lasting memories. I have always believed life is the total of our experiences, good and bad. Each of these experiences, and the people we experience them with, create who we are. It's my hope that as you read about Joshua Freemont you will come to better appreciate every moment you have in your life. And hopefully when you're old, and when I'm old, we'll look back and realize that our lives have been monumental blessings.

I hope you'll be inspired to live your life to the fullest, just like I was inspired by Joshua. He let me into his world, and I'm happy to share his story with you. 


Such great advice (:
I completely agree with Daniel
& think it's important to appreciate every moment of our lives.
Like he said above...
Our lives are molded by not just our good experiences, but also our trials.
So why not live our lives to the fullest,
enjoy the good times,
& learn from the hard times?

"A Memory Apart" was a quick & easy read,
but very enjoyable nonetheless.
Because I enjoyed the book so much,
& because we both enjoy the support of all you wonderful readers out there,
I am going to be hosting a fun little giveaway!

The winner will receive
a copy of the "A Memory Apart" eBook
& a $25 Amazon giftcard!

"A Memory Apart" is currently available in the Kindle format.
Don't have a Kindle?
No worries!
You can download the free Kindle app on your smartphone or tablet to enjoy the eBook.

Enter below via Rafflecopter:
a Rafflecopter giveaway
post signature


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...